There are many unsung heroes in our community, not the least of which are those who provide daily care for dependant family members and loved ones. For some, this act of sacrificial service has been a long-term responsibility. For others, they may have only recently (and perhaps unexpectedly) found themselves in this vital role of support. But regardless of time and experience, here are some things that may help and encourage those who find themselves in this role.
1. Remember you can’t meet everyone’s needs all the time. Even with the best intentions to meet the needs of others, it nonetheless remains that carers have needs too. The practical complexities of meeting ours and others’ needs however, comes in the juggle of managing competing interests - such as caring for children as well as ageing parents. So it’s important to remember that not all needs can be met at all times. But as a carer upon which so many others depend, it is important at times to prioritise your own needs in order to provide care for others long term. Doing so will help ensure a longevity of care without the added burden of burnout.
2. Stay informed about your loved one’s care by asking lots of questions and doing research about their illness or condition. Find out what supports are available in your community and what your loved one may qualify for now or in the future. If possible, include your loved ones in this research to hear their thoughts on what they like and believe is best for them.
3. Be careful not to make promises you cannot keep. Being self-aware and realistic about what you can offer will save much confusion and disappointment. Consider what you can comfortably do and any limitations you may have physically, mentally and emotionally. Be aware that limitations can also change over time. Often it is easier to start by doing less and increase later if you find you have greater capacity.
4. It’s ok to recognise your loved one’s needs are greater than the care you can provide. Pushing yourself beyond your limits over an extended period can jeopardise your health and life. Recent statistics[i] have highlighted the need for caregivers to be supported, as many die before their loved one due to self-neglect and the stress from caring.
5. Self-care is paramount to your own health and wellbeing as caregiving is often repetitive and isolating. Taking regular breaks and doing things you enjoy will help guard against resentment, bitterness and despondency. But it can become a cliche concept if we don’t stop to actually think about what it looks like for us personally. For you it may be playing guitar, going for a run or taking a long bath. Your ‘down time’ might look like solitude or perhaps it’s socialising. Ask yourself “How can I care for myself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally?’ Once you answer this question, calendarise an activity in each of those areas every week.
6. Build your own circle of support. Talking to someone you trust, either a friend, pastor, psychologist or counsellor can really help you identify the particular things you are finding burdensome. Once identified, it makes the process of working through these issues much easier. So never underestimate the power of verbalising your struggles as this can be one of the most effective self-care activities to pursue.
Ps Michelle Cook is the Pastor of Prayer & Care at Bendigo Baptist Church, and is also a counsellor psychotherapist at The Anna Centre. To book an appointment with Michelle please call the Anna Centre on (03) 54543961.
Comments